On My Watch

I'm still not sure if I'm cut out for blogging as I can't seem to be consistent with writing every day or close to it. It's officially day 2 of summer vacation and I'm exhausted. I get migraines and I came down with a headache on Saturday, it progressed into a migraine by Sunday and I woke up with it today. Steve and I spent the day at the hospital keeping his mom company while she had a procedure that turned out fine (thank God). I slept all the way home and arrived ready for bed. As those of you may know, going to bed at 5pm is never an option for a mom so, I continued on with dinner, dishes, bed etc. while Steve left for a meeting.

Gabriel asked for juice and I served him a glass while he sat on his stool at the counter. I asked him to come outside to swing with his sister, while his brothers vegged on the couch watching some Picker show. Once I adjusted his swing and had Maria going on hers I peeked my head in the door and was calling for him, I didn't see him and assumed he had gone back to his room to play, so I went back outside to keep pushing Maria "higher". I got cold so we came inside and I noticed that the front door wasn't closed tightly. I asked the boys if they heard the door open and they didn't even look away from the TV, and said no. I immediately began calling for Gabriel and didn't hear him or see him in the house. Gabriel had gotten out. Talk to any parent of a child with special needs who is non verbal and they will tell you that their worse nightmare is their child getting out of the house and taking off to who knows where.

My nightmare was playing out right in front of me. You see this is the stuff that happens on my husbands watch, not mine. I assumed that the boys would be aware that the front door opened or closed. I assumed that Gabriel knew better than to go out the front the door without telling me, I assumed that I would be able to keep him safe from himself and others. Tonight, I failed. Logically I know that I am not alone and that these things happen to all parents, not just parents of children with special needs. Logically I know that Gabriel has a hard time making good choices and that his common sense "indicator" doesn't work well. Logically everything worked out and I found him, safe and sound in the back of the van. Thank God, it wasn't in the middle of the day when the temperature in the car reaches unbearable and fatal temperatures, it was warm in the car as it was. I can't help but think what if?

I won't go there, I refuse. I'm so grateful that he's OK, that he didn't wander off down the street or across the street. He technically was at home. Does he get it that he has to tell us that he wants to go out front? Probably not. He was sent straight to bed without dessert. I scolded the boys for not being aware of their surroundings. While Gabriel is my responsibility, there is no reason why they couldn't notice that the front door opened or closed. It's times like these that make me hate Down syndrome, make me want to scream because my son can be impulsive and has no sense of danger or right or wrong. It's times like these that make me realize that going to the bathroom is not something that I can do whenever I need to go, but that I have to plan it and make sure that he's engaged in front of the TV or computer so that I can go in relative peace. I'm going to have to live with this, learn from it and now go tell my husband that it happened to me too, on my watch.