Tonight is MNO. My boys pointed out to me that I belonged to two different MNO groups. I told them that they were right, one is a Down syndrome mom's group and the other is for #2's cub scout den mom's. I thought that that would suffice them, when I was asked "witch one is your favorite?" That question threw me of guard because I hadn't really thought about it in that context. Are we allowed to have "favorites" when it comes to our social circles? As mom's we're not allowed to have favorite children right?
So, I had to think about my girlfriends, who are they? What group of woman do I identify with the most and why? How did I form my relationships with my girlfriends? I feel fortunate to have always been surrounded by friends. In elementary school I had my core group of friends, yet it was very easy for me to migrate to different groups and feel included. Today of that group, one girlfriend and I remain very close. The other members of that core group are still around and while we don't really keep in touch they will forever hold a special place in my heart.
I keep recalling an email chain letter I received about friends and how they come and go depending on where we are in our lives. I believe this to be very true. I also know that when it comes to my very close relationships, many of them are based on my children. My core group of gal pals I met because my oldest befriended their children. Then there are the woman I call my sisters in Down syndrome or sisters in special needs. With these woman, I share a profound connection. I don't need to explain things to them regarding my son or his diagnosis they just get because their journey is similar to mine. Then there's the group of friends I've made through cub scouts, church, neighborhood and sports. I sometimes feel like I don't put in a lot of effort into these relationships. My husband feels like I don't want to or feel the need. I don't believe that to be true, I believe that a lot of it is time in my life. I appreciate the time that I spend with these woman as they have great insights on faith, family, relationships and cooking. They make me laugh and are willing to be outraged with me when we experience challenges in our lives.
So, do I have a favorite group of friends? No, I don't. I'm so lucky to be affiliated with the amazing woman who make the time to spend an evening, afternoon or morning with me and who wish to do it over and over and over again.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
It's Been A Long Time
It's been a long time since my last post...I think that I was correct in assuming that maybe I was not cut out for the world of blogging, but alas I will continue to make the effort as the urge to get my thoughts out continues to be strong. I've experienced so many things over the last 4 months. Some of them inspiring, some scary, some maddening and some outright hysterical.
- Over the last 4 months: My oldest son went away to boy scout camp. He spent a week away from home at a beautiful camp in the lovely town of Willits. He refused to write home because of all people, he needed a break from home.
- I realized that having no contact with my son was OK for the first 3-4 days. After that I couldn't stand it and cried when he called to say that he was home. I had run out to pick up a prescription and was annoyed that he got home earlier than expected.
- I also realized that one day my oldest amazing son will one day want to be a counselor at a boy scout camp and therefore will be gone most of the summer....I figure that I have maybe 3 more years before that happens. Ugh.
- Son #3 was finally potty trained. I can not tell you what it was that finally pushed me to make a concerted effort to get the kid out of Pull Ups and into "chones". I just woke up one day and said today's the day. No plan , no back up from hubby, just me and my boy. It wasn't easy. I cried, Gabes cried, hubby and I fought....but today I can say that my boy is all done with Pull Ups and life is good. I'll write more about our experience in case anybody out there needs an example.
- Our annual Yosemite camping trip wasn't what we expected but it was amazing nonetheless. Tuolomne Meadows is beautiful, cold at night and bears are active pretty early in the evening. We were finally faced with facing the disparity in our kids ages and abilities. We've realized that we either need to bring a caretaker with us or leave #3 behind if we want to be able to do more challenging physical activities....option two doesn't bode well with us.
- After thinking about the above point and feeling frustrated, sad, depressed and really, really upset with Down syndrome, Gabriel walked up Pot Hole Dome....again more to come on this.
- #1 started middle school. He was so ready to start and I was so excited for him. However I have to say that when he rode off on his bike, on his own to meet his buddies...I cried. Motherhood really is all about little goodbyes.
- #2 is in 4th grade. He and I were really hoping that he'd get this one amazing teacher. She wanted to have him, so we thought great it's all good. Well, he was placed in another class. My boy was so bummed, but I think that I was more bummed for him. He's in a great class, but secretly I'm still annoyed.
- #4 is in a dance class. I never thought that I'd be taking my daughter to dance class. It's so fun to watch her. Unfortunately I've realized that she's really not that coordinated.
There's more stuff and I hope to elaborate on some of the above while writing about current thoughts and happenings in my crazy world.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Potty Diaries
Today is day four of potty training boot camp. I am so over it and tempted to throw on the Pull Up. However, I know that I can not turn back. Things are going relatively well, I'm frankly just tired of being on constant watch because that's what I'm basically doing is watching and anticipating Gabriel's need to void. What made me to choose this week of all weeks to get serious about potty training? I can't tell you. I just know that I woke up Monday morning and decided that he was going to wear underwear and well he did. I've posted how over poop I am and the whole Pull Up thing. I also knew he could not start general ed first grade in Pull Up's . Since the potty training fairy was no where to be seen, I decided to jump in feet first and so began Potty Training Boot Camp.
I've now began week 2 of our endeavor- Potty Training Gabriel. Last week was grueling, frustrating but mostly hopeful. If I were more of a researcher I would have taken the time to visit potty training kids with Down syndrome websites a few weeks ago, developed a plan, made sure that my loving hubby and I were on the same page and then embarked on this journey. Unfortunately I jumped in feet first, blindly and got beat up along the way. Had I read that it was a good idea to track his wet Pull Ups throughout the day and then take him to the potty according to the times he pee'd, Gabes and I would've had a better week. I kinda did things according to recommendations made by Down syndrome "experts". I set a timer, made sure he was drinking, put his favorite books and bubbles in the bathroom. Mostly he responded positively and his pee pee did make it in the toilet most of the time. By the end of the week, he knew that in order for him to watch TV or play on the computer he had to go potty in the potty. He also knew that he had to wash hands and how to pull up and down his chones and shorts. Progress, I know. He still wasn't really indicating the need to pee and what I realized is that the boy has a bladder the size of North, Central and South America and therefore can hold his pee forever and ever.
I've now began week 2 of our endeavor- Potty Training Gabriel. Last week was grueling, frustrating but mostly hopeful. If I were more of a researcher I would have taken the time to visit potty training kids with Down syndrome websites a few weeks ago, developed a plan, made sure that my loving hubby and I were on the same page and then embarked on this journey. Unfortunately I jumped in feet first, blindly and got beat up along the way. Had I read that it was a good idea to track his wet Pull Ups throughout the day and then take him to the potty according to the times he pee'd, Gabes and I would've had a better week. I kinda did things according to recommendations made by Down syndrome "experts". I set a timer, made sure he was drinking, put his favorite books and bubbles in the bathroom. Mostly he responded positively and his pee pee did make it in the toilet most of the time. By the end of the week, he knew that in order for him to watch TV or play on the computer he had to go potty in the potty. He also knew that he had to wash hands and how to pull up and down his chones and shorts. Progress, I know. He still wasn't really indicating the need to pee and what I realized is that the boy has a bladder the size of North, Central and South America and therefore can hold his pee forever and ever.
I stayed close to home all last week. The times that I had to run out the anxiety that I felt over getting Gabes close to a toilet was awful. My older boys mostly left me alone. By Wednesday, I was feeling pretty confident that we were getting close to a schedule and was semi confident that we'd be fine at Chuck E Cheese to help celebrate our cousins b-day. Gabes wanted to go into the tubes so I told him that he had to go potty first and then he could go up. He happily went with me to the potty. After about 10 minutes, nothing happened so I walked him back to the tubes, told him to come down if he had to pee and sent him off. Not 20 minutes later I see him come down and my worst nightmare happened....he pee'd in the tubes. All the wind was knocked out of my sails. Yet I did not let that deter me and he continued to wear his chones. By Friday I was going stir crazy and had a short reprieve. I was able to go to lunch, run errands and get a pedicure all by myself. I was so happy that it was the weekend and that my husband would be home to tag team.
My hubby for the most part is the patient one in our relationship. I'm the yeller. The more kids we have I've noticed that his patience meter has also dropped. All week I never lost my temper with Gabes and have remained fairly positive. While I was getting ready for a party we had, Gabes had pooped in his chones. Steve got frustrated and put him in a Pull Up. He then told me that Gabes doesn't care whether or not he's in a Pull Up or chones so why does it matter if he's in a Pull Up. He may as well have kicked me in the stomach. All the sacrifice I made during the week didn't matter, nor the progress that Gabes had made. Gabes went to the party in a Pull Up and my heart broke. The next day Gabes had a stomach bug and Steve's frustration level rose yet again and I conceded to place him in a Pull Up. When we were discussing the Pull Up vs. Underwear our oldest looked at us and said "are you two seriously arguing about potty training?"
Yes, Patrick we were arguing about potty training. I don't know how to make our kids understand how draining the whole toileting Gabriel issue is for us. Logically we understand that he's 7 years old and that it's time for him to use the potty. Unfortunately while we understand that, Gabriel really doesn't care where he pee's or poops. In speaking to my fellow comrades in ds their children don't seem to care either. The ones that are using the toilet don't use it spontaneously. The parents have to instigate the trip and therefore need to watch the clock to make sure that their child has no accidents. I do not want to have the 10, 15, 20 year old in a diaper. I never imagined that I'd have a 7 year old in a diaper. This weekend I was asked if I was training Maria too. It would break my heart if she "got it" before he did and therefore she'll have to wait a few more months. So, basically we have a long road ahead of us but I refuse to stop trying.
Today, Monday week two Gabriel wore a Pull Up because his stomach is still not right and this is a marathon not a sprint. He still woke up dry, went to the bathroom by himself twice and pee'd and poop'd both times. He also did the same in his Pull Up twice. The second time I had left to run an errand and Patrick dealt with him and cleaned up the mess. I was so grateful to my son for doing the unpleasant. Maybe this unpleasant experience will give him some insight as to why this frustrates the you know what out of mom and dad.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
ESY Is Over
It's Sunday night, I'm tired and trying to get over a sinus infection. Common sense is telling me to go to bed. You see Gabriel doesn't have summer school tomorrow, his extended school year finished on Friday. I hate to admit this but I'm having some serious anxiety about having him home all day. My son is relatively low maintenance as long as a few things are in place: the TV, the computer, yogurt in the fridge and ice cream before bed. As long as he's watching his favorite Nick Jr. or Sprout shows or playing Nick Jr. online he's content with life. Since we only have one TV in our house, often times in the summer or weekends or after school there's competition for the TV or computer and he loses free reign and unlimited time and then can become a bit unbearable.
Now, I hate to admit this ( again??) but we let him spend afternoon's in front of the TV or computer due to fact that it's easy for us. We know where he is and he's content. However I have come to realize that it's not healthy for him to be in front of the TV or computer for hours on end, I get sick of watching Dora or running to the TV every 25 minutes to start another ON DEMAND Zoboomafoo episode. So, that leaves me with the question what am I going to do with the child who really doesn't want to do anything? You see, I've never been the mom who plays with their children. I take them places, feed them, read to them, push them on a swing things like that. I'm not crafty, won't pull out board games or bake with my kids. My hubby is that parent. He will play make believe with them, pitch to them, have Nerf wars and now that he has a daughter sit for a tea party.
I know that I am not alone when I say that having my child with special needs home all day causes me anxiety. However it is not an easy thing to admit because it makes me seem like a mom who doesn't want to be with my child or appreciates her child. I absolutely do enjoy being with my son and I so appreciate this beautiful little boy so very much. Yet, there are days when Gabriel rocks me to my core. Sometimes it's the fact that I don't know what he's saying or that I can't have a meaningful conversation with him. I know that he has tons to say it just gets lost in translation and we both get frustrated. Other times its his stubbornness. The boy can be extremely stubborn and difficult. He moves on his time not mine, not a good thing for mom. The potty thing is probably the hardest thing right now. I'm so over his poop, I can't even begin to tell anybody.
I have decided in my head and now on this post that I have to structure our time. I have to work with him for short periods of time, get out of the house and out to parks and have his brothers play with him so that I don't always feel that it's on me to do everything, after all I have 3 other kids, a house, husband and myself to look after too. I can get through the next 5 weeks and with a lot of prayer, laughter and a nice glass of wine to end my evenings I know I will.
Now, I hate to admit this ( again??) but we let him spend afternoon's in front of the TV or computer due to fact that it's easy for us. We know where he is and he's content. However I have come to realize that it's not healthy for him to be in front of the TV or computer for hours on end, I get sick of watching Dora or running to the TV every 25 minutes to start another ON DEMAND Zoboomafoo episode. So, that leaves me with the question what am I going to do with the child who really doesn't want to do anything? You see, I've never been the mom who plays with their children. I take them places, feed them, read to them, push them on a swing things like that. I'm not crafty, won't pull out board games or bake with my kids. My hubby is that parent. He will play make believe with them, pitch to them, have Nerf wars and now that he has a daughter sit for a tea party.
I know that I am not alone when I say that having my child with special needs home all day causes me anxiety. However it is not an easy thing to admit because it makes me seem like a mom who doesn't want to be with my child or appreciates her child. I absolutely do enjoy being with my son and I so appreciate this beautiful little boy so very much. Yet, there are days when Gabriel rocks me to my core. Sometimes it's the fact that I don't know what he's saying or that I can't have a meaningful conversation with him. I know that he has tons to say it just gets lost in translation and we both get frustrated. Other times its his stubbornness. The boy can be extremely stubborn and difficult. He moves on his time not mine, not a good thing for mom. The potty thing is probably the hardest thing right now. I'm so over his poop, I can't even begin to tell anybody.
I have decided in my head and now on this post that I have to structure our time. I have to work with him for short periods of time, get out of the house and out to parks and have his brothers play with him so that I don't always feel that it's on me to do everything, after all I have 3 other kids, a house, husband and myself to look after too. I can get through the next 5 weeks and with a lot of prayer, laughter and a nice glass of wine to end my evenings I know I will.
Friday, July 9, 2010
My day was planned and I was on track to get it done. But what's that saying "the best layed plans whatever whatever???" The plan for today were these: get kids up and ready for school, swim practice, shower (not always a given), eat breakfast, straighten up house, get Maria up and ready, take Patrick to enrichment class, watch my friends boys for a bit, get diaper bag ready, pack snacks, get Gabriel off of the bus, load our car to pick up Patrick from class and head out into the City, pick up Dad at Union Square and off to the California Academy of Sciences.
I was on track, had it all together shoes were on, jackets at the door. I wait for the bus door to open and the nicest driver looks at me and says "Gabriel had an accident". OK no problem, a quick change and we're still on track. The minute I stepped on the bus, the smell hit me and I thought well, his pants aren't wet so maybe it's all contained in the pull up. I sent him straight to the bathroom and made sure nothing was up his back and it wasn't. All a good sign, although the smell was beyond normal. So he lays down on the floor and I grabbed his foot and realized that poop had gotten all down one leg and on his sock and his shoe. OK, so no time for a bath, he has other pants and he'll have to wear his sandals that we just took out of shoe storage. It's about 12:20, Patrick gets out at 12:15 he'll have to wait a bit longer. So, I begin cleaning everything up. I can't just leave his clothes smeared like that, and I ask Samuel to please help Gabriel pick out other clothes which Gabriel had already begun to put on shiny soccer shorts. By then it's 12:40 and Patrick is still waiting so I wash my hands really well, grab Maria and tell Samuel that I'll be back I have to go get Patrick. Samuel in the meantime is helping his brother and says "mom my room smells". No time to check it out so I leave. Patrick's rightfully annoyed, he waited 30 minutes. I of course said to him that he could've started walking home but I was sorry and told him what had happened. Thankfully Patrick's pretty observant and knew that I had had it so he let it go.
That smell that Samuel told me about was bm #2, not a huge mess and contained but still extremely smelly. By then Steve had called to find out where I was going to pick him up and he can tell by my voice that I was frustrated and disgusted. So, we decide to call the trip into the City off in case Gabriel's fighting off a virus and his stomach continues to be unsettled. Shortly after that bm #3 happened so I guess everything happens for a reason.
OK, so I have to ask myself what is it that has me the most annoyed, is it the fact that I love going into the City and we never do? The fact that Steve actually initiated going into the City and doing something other than trips to Target or Big Lots! ? Is it the fact that we've had this membership to CHAOS since Christmas and we've yet to use it? OR is it that I have a 7 year old son who refuses to use the toilet to pee and poop?
Frankly it's a combination of all those things. I have been wanting to go to CHAOS forever and then I thought it would be fun to call our friends who live in the City to see if we could meet for dinner somewhere. So, yeah I'm bummed. I love going into the City. The entire potty training thing is so frustrating, really it truly is. Gabriel is not stupid, he knows what he is and what he is not doing. He is purposely NOT using the toilet. He knows we change in the bathroom, he will hand me the pull up and he'll sit on the potty and in the shower he will pee into the drain just like his dad taught him. So why does he refuse to use the toilet????? I just don't get it. I was so excited about our day today, I was ignoring my headache because I knew that we were going to have a good time. That one incident has really taken all the wind out of my sails and brought me down. I know that I'm not the only mom dealing with this and that's helpful but when the poop happens so badly, it's so hard to not want to scream my head off and then go cry into my pillow or go get a quart of ice cream and eat it all at one time or pour myself a shot (or 2) of tequila at 12:30 in the afternoon. I mean the child has no remorse, could care less how this makes me feel and is not willing to try at all. Did I forget to mention that he's 7? Having Down syndrome is no excuse, yet I think it's become his.
I guess it's time to clean up from my pity party and think about dinner. One more week of summer school and the potty training nazi will have to show herself. When will I get into the City? I don't know, hopefully soon our membership will expire on New Years Eve.
I was on track, had it all together shoes were on, jackets at the door. I wait for the bus door to open and the nicest driver looks at me and says "Gabriel had an accident". OK no problem, a quick change and we're still on track. The minute I stepped on the bus, the smell hit me and I thought well, his pants aren't wet so maybe it's all contained in the pull up. I sent him straight to the bathroom and made sure nothing was up his back and it wasn't. All a good sign, although the smell was beyond normal. So he lays down on the floor and I grabbed his foot and realized that poop had gotten all down one leg and on his sock and his shoe. OK, so no time for a bath, he has other pants and he'll have to wear his sandals that we just took out of shoe storage. It's about 12:20, Patrick gets out at 12:15 he'll have to wait a bit longer. So, I begin cleaning everything up. I can't just leave his clothes smeared like that, and I ask Samuel to please help Gabriel pick out other clothes which Gabriel had already begun to put on shiny soccer shorts. By then it's 12:40 and Patrick is still waiting so I wash my hands really well, grab Maria and tell Samuel that I'll be back I have to go get Patrick. Samuel in the meantime is helping his brother and says "mom my room smells". No time to check it out so I leave. Patrick's rightfully annoyed, he waited 30 minutes. I of course said to him that he could've started walking home but I was sorry and told him what had happened. Thankfully Patrick's pretty observant and knew that I had had it so he let it go.
That smell that Samuel told me about was bm #2, not a huge mess and contained but still extremely smelly. By then Steve had called to find out where I was going to pick him up and he can tell by my voice that I was frustrated and disgusted. So, we decide to call the trip into the City off in case Gabriel's fighting off a virus and his stomach continues to be unsettled. Shortly after that bm #3 happened so I guess everything happens for a reason.
OK, so I have to ask myself what is it that has me the most annoyed, is it the fact that I love going into the City and we never do? The fact that Steve actually initiated going into the City and doing something other than trips to Target or Big Lots! ? Is it the fact that we've had this membership to CHAOS since Christmas and we've yet to use it? OR is it that I have a 7 year old son who refuses to use the toilet to pee and poop?
Frankly it's a combination of all those things. I have been wanting to go to CHAOS forever and then I thought it would be fun to call our friends who live in the City to see if we could meet for dinner somewhere. So, yeah I'm bummed. I love going into the City. The entire potty training thing is so frustrating, really it truly is. Gabriel is not stupid, he knows what he is and what he is not doing. He is purposely NOT using the toilet. He knows we change in the bathroom, he will hand me the pull up and he'll sit on the potty and in the shower he will pee into the drain just like his dad taught him. So why does he refuse to use the toilet????? I just don't get it. I was so excited about our day today, I was ignoring my headache because I knew that we were going to have a good time. That one incident has really taken all the wind out of my sails and brought me down. I know that I'm not the only mom dealing with this and that's helpful but when the poop happens so badly, it's so hard to not want to scream my head off and then go cry into my pillow or go get a quart of ice cream and eat it all at one time or pour myself a shot (or 2) of tequila at 12:30 in the afternoon. I mean the child has no remorse, could care less how this makes me feel and is not willing to try at all. Did I forget to mention that he's 7? Having Down syndrome is no excuse, yet I think it's become his.
I guess it's time to clean up from my pity party and think about dinner. One more week of summer school and the potty training nazi will have to show herself. When will I get into the City? I don't know, hopefully soon our membership will expire on New Years Eve.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Happy Belated 4th of July! Growing up 4th of July always meant spending the day swimming at my uncles house, surrounded by cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends. As night fell we all gathered in the court to light a ton of fireworks, it was always so much fun. Of course these are the types of experiences I want for my kids however as our families grew, people moved away and priorities changed. There really doesn't seem to be "that" experience for my kids anymore. We really haven't been able to fall into one tradition or another as every year something different happens.
For the past 4 years, we've walked in the Danville 4th of July parade with the Down Syndrome Connection of the Bay Area. It really is a lot of fun gathering with our Ds community and walking with all of our kids sharing our pride and joy for our son Gabriel. My boys are always so excited to participate, carrying signs that read "Celebrate our Differences", " We're more alike than Different", or "Future Noble Laureate" I think that's what that one says. It never fails, every year as we're walking along or riding (I rode in the float this year with Gabes and Mari) that I get overwhelmed with emotion as people cheer, clap and wave at us. I wonder what's going on in their heads as they see us parading down the middle of the street holding our heads high, smiling and waving at them along with our amazing children? Do some think, why are they so happy with their kids? I'm glad it's them and not me? I wouldn't be able to do that? I'll never know what people are really thinking but when I see the joy in people's faces and hear their clap and cheers, it makes me cry every time.
And so my 4th of July begins as it has for the past 4 years that we've participated in the parade. I'm an emotional mess on the inside because heaven forbid anybody see that on the outside. The other thing that gets me every time at the parade is watching the local chapter of the Blue Star Moms walk by holding pictures of their sons or daughters who are serving in Iraq/Afghanistan. Every year, I look at these mother's holding pictures of their boys/girls and I can only imagine how they get through their days and nights without worrying to death. Being the mom of boys it makes me appreciate their sacrifice so very much, because one day it could be me walking with that group. With tears streaming down my face, I clap for them and on the inside I pray for them.
The City of San Ramon puts on a fireworks show every year, thankfully the city is still able to afford the show as so many city's have had to let it go because of lack of funds. When we moved here 6 years ago we were told that all people from our neighborhood walk to the kids elementary school to watch the fireworks instead of dealing with the crowds at Central Park. We've had different groups of friends and family join us since we've been here. Last year, we tried going to our cousins house to light our own fireworks and while that was fun, Steve and I missed watching the fireworks with our neighbors. For the first time in 6 years, it was just the 6 of us for dinner. The kids thought it was weird and even worse when we were packing up the wagons with blankets, chairs, wine and snacks just for us. So off we set to our school field to gather with the locals to watch the show. We got to the field to find our neighbors and friends so the boys were happy. Then my sister and her boyfriend showed up so all was right with the world. As I sat in the chair with my glass of wine surrounded by my kids, hubby, sister and friends watching the sky light up again I became overwhelmed with emotion. It's so surreal to me that this is my life. That I live in this community where it's safe to walk out and watch fireworks and that people join together with their family and friends to celebrate our great country. I'm so grateful to be born in this country, at this time, to be raised in the family I was raised in and now to have the family that I have. Like clockwork, for the third time that day the tears start flowing yet again.
For the past 4 years, we've walked in the Danville 4th of July parade with the Down Syndrome Connection of the Bay Area. It really is a lot of fun gathering with our Ds community and walking with all of our kids sharing our pride and joy for our son Gabriel. My boys are always so excited to participate, carrying signs that read "Celebrate our Differences", " We're more alike than Different", or "Future Noble Laureate" I think that's what that one says. It never fails, every year as we're walking along or riding (I rode in the float this year with Gabes and Mari) that I get overwhelmed with emotion as people cheer, clap and wave at us. I wonder what's going on in their heads as they see us parading down the middle of the street holding our heads high, smiling and waving at them along with our amazing children? Do some think, why are they so happy with their kids? I'm glad it's them and not me? I wouldn't be able to do that? I'll never know what people are really thinking but when I see the joy in people's faces and hear their clap and cheers, it makes me cry every time.
And so my 4th of July begins as it has for the past 4 years that we've participated in the parade. I'm an emotional mess on the inside because heaven forbid anybody see that on the outside. The other thing that gets me every time at the parade is watching the local chapter of the Blue Star Moms walk by holding pictures of their sons or daughters who are serving in Iraq/Afghanistan. Every year, I look at these mother's holding pictures of their boys/girls and I can only imagine how they get through their days and nights without worrying to death. Being the mom of boys it makes me appreciate their sacrifice so very much, because one day it could be me walking with that group. With tears streaming down my face, I clap for them and on the inside I pray for them.
The City of San Ramon puts on a fireworks show every year, thankfully the city is still able to afford the show as so many city's have had to let it go because of lack of funds. When we moved here 6 years ago we were told that all people from our neighborhood walk to the kids elementary school to watch the fireworks instead of dealing with the crowds at Central Park. We've had different groups of friends and family join us since we've been here. Last year, we tried going to our cousins house to light our own fireworks and while that was fun, Steve and I missed watching the fireworks with our neighbors. For the first time in 6 years, it was just the 6 of us for dinner. The kids thought it was weird and even worse when we were packing up the wagons with blankets, chairs, wine and snacks just for us. So off we set to our school field to gather with the locals to watch the show. We got to the field to find our neighbors and friends so the boys were happy. Then my sister and her boyfriend showed up so all was right with the world. As I sat in the chair with my glass of wine surrounded by my kids, hubby, sister and friends watching the sky light up again I became overwhelmed with emotion. It's so surreal to me that this is my life. That I live in this community where it's safe to walk out and watch fireworks and that people join together with their family and friends to celebrate our great country. I'm so grateful to be born in this country, at this time, to be raised in the family I was raised in and now to have the family that I have. Like clockwork, for the third time that day the tears start flowing yet again.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Why can she talk, but he can't?
I'm down a child this week so the dynamics in our house are a bit different. What I'm noticing more is that Samuel is asking more questions that he otherwise may not have if his big brother Patrick were around. Yesterday, Samuel, Maria and I were driving over to pick Gabriel up at summer school. Maria was chatting away like she often does and Samuel asked me "mom, do you notice that Maria's talking a lot more than Gabriel?". I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that for most parents of children with special needs these type of questions seem to hit hard below the belt. Of course Steve and I notice Maria's language blossoming at 2 years old. I know that I'm amazed at how expressive she is. She actually reminds me of her oldest brother Patrick who was extremely verbal at a very young age. My new normal for the last 7 years has been Gabriel who has taken forever to sit, crawl, walk, eat alone, buckle his seat belt, get dressed by himself and we anxiously await the day where he speaks his first sentence clearly. So anything that Maria does is as I've said is amazing.
I knew that when I brought Gabriel home from the hospital, that I'd be back to have another baby. What I didn't know was how long it would take my soul to heal from the loss of the little boy I so dreamed of having and accepting the baby boy that I actually had. So, pretty much 5 years to the day of Gabriel's 5th birthday, Maria entered our world alert and beautiful just like her brothers. All three of them. I knew that having another baby would be beneficial to Gabriel. He was pretty spoiled and we knew that he needed to step up a bit by becoming a big brother. We also knew that the day would come when Maria would surpass him in a lot of things, and once she did there would be no turning back it was full steam ahead. I have to be honest, it has been hard watching her do things while Gabriel still struggles with a lot. One thing that stands out is jumping. Gabriel can not jump. His low muscle tone makes it really hard for him to get both feet off the ground. Maria is a jumping bean. She'll jump anywhere, effortlessly and with joy. I love watching her jump her hear out.
The other area that stands out is speech. The girl can talk, and talk she does. "I want leche please mom", "where's my mano", "I have popo", "it's so good to see you mom", "push me higher mom", "go away Goofy", "i'm sad", "that's scary", "where's my snack?", "salud", "stop it", "slow down mom", "that's delicious", "i love you mom". These are things she says just off the top of my head, there's so much more. Parents are told not to compare their children, they are all unique and different. I try hard not to compare my kids because they are so different. I think we get caught in comparing our children because the differences can at times be so blatant and I think "you are my kid aren't you?". I have gotten down about Maria's ability to speak so easily while Gabriel struggles to form words and to be understood. I have made a conscious decision to celebrate Maria's milestones and abilities because she's Maria, a unique individual who marches to the beat of her own drum. It's not her fault that language comes easily. I have also come to accept the fact that Gabriel has a hard time forming words and that one day, down the road, his speech will become easier. Like most things with Gabes it's just going to take time.
What I didn't count on was the effect of Maria's ability to speak on her brother Samuel. I shouldn't be surprised because he tells me that he pays attention to my phone conversations when I think that he's not. So, how did I answer Samuel? I told him that yes, I noticed that Maria's talking a lot more than Gabriel. I also told him that Maria doesn't have Down syndrome and that she doesn't have Apraxia. I explained to him that Apraxia is a condition that effects people's ability to form words, and that anybody can have Apraxia not only people with Down syndrome. In fact his best friend Ryan had Apraxia. I could see the wheels spinning in head as he asked me, "So, this Apraxia thing can go away?" and I told him that yes with speech therapy and time it does go away. I saw the furrow in his little brow lessen and then heard him tell his sister to be quiet, she talks to much.
I knew that when I brought Gabriel home from the hospital, that I'd be back to have another baby. What I didn't know was how long it would take my soul to heal from the loss of the little boy I so dreamed of having and accepting the baby boy that I actually had. So, pretty much 5 years to the day of Gabriel's 5th birthday, Maria entered our world alert and beautiful just like her brothers. All three of them. I knew that having another baby would be beneficial to Gabriel. He was pretty spoiled and we knew that he needed to step up a bit by becoming a big brother. We also knew that the day would come when Maria would surpass him in a lot of things, and once she did there would be no turning back it was full steam ahead. I have to be honest, it has been hard watching her do things while Gabriel still struggles with a lot. One thing that stands out is jumping. Gabriel can not jump. His low muscle tone makes it really hard for him to get both feet off the ground. Maria is a jumping bean. She'll jump anywhere, effortlessly and with joy. I love watching her jump her hear out.
The other area that stands out is speech. The girl can talk, and talk she does. "I want leche please mom", "where's my mano", "I have popo", "it's so good to see you mom", "push me higher mom", "go away Goofy", "i'm sad", "that's scary", "where's my snack?", "salud", "stop it", "slow down mom", "that's delicious", "i love you mom". These are things she says just off the top of my head, there's so much more. Parents are told not to compare their children, they are all unique and different. I try hard not to compare my kids because they are so different. I think we get caught in comparing our children because the differences can at times be so blatant and I think "you are my kid aren't you?". I have gotten down about Maria's ability to speak so easily while Gabriel struggles to form words and to be understood. I have made a conscious decision to celebrate Maria's milestones and abilities because she's Maria, a unique individual who marches to the beat of her own drum. It's not her fault that language comes easily. I have also come to accept the fact that Gabriel has a hard time forming words and that one day, down the road, his speech will become easier. Like most things with Gabes it's just going to take time.
What I didn't count on was the effect of Maria's ability to speak on her brother Samuel. I shouldn't be surprised because he tells me that he pays attention to my phone conversations when I think that he's not. So, how did I answer Samuel? I told him that yes, I noticed that Maria's talking a lot more than Gabriel. I also told him that Maria doesn't have Down syndrome and that she doesn't have Apraxia. I explained to him that Apraxia is a condition that effects people's ability to form words, and that anybody can have Apraxia not only people with Down syndrome. In fact his best friend Ryan had Apraxia. I could see the wheels spinning in head as he asked me, "So, this Apraxia thing can go away?" and I told him that yes with speech therapy and time it does go away. I saw the furrow in his little brow lessen and then heard him tell his sister to be quiet, she talks to much.
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