Today is Father's Day. I can't help but think about the TV show The Middle's mother's day episode. It was about how great father's day is because it's the mom running the show...great gifts, good food and dad gets alone time...while mom gets a drug store gifts, toaster waffles in bed and the kids all day all by herself. On mother's day, if I say to Steve I'd like ______for mother's day, I usually get "you're not my mom", nice I know. So this year, when Steve brought something up regarding father's day, I replied "you're not my dad, talk to your kids", not very nice but I think that he got the point.
Today, we had my parents and sister and her boyfriend over for brunch. My mom wanted to have us all over at her home but I thought that it would be easier for us to have them over here because Steve had to leave to set up an archery range for cub scout day camp and I didn't feel like rushing out of my folks. Like always, our weekend was full and our house a mess so Steve and I worked together to make our house look presentable which usually means cleaning, sorting and organizing stacks of stuff late the night before and early the morning of. I did make coffee for him before I ran out to the store, but when I got home he had cleaned the stove, the counters and emptied the dish washer. The kids did let him watch world cup soccer and some of the golf tournament, and he did get to go through the newspaper. So, today he did get some "dad" time, not as much as I like to get on mother's day but some.
The 10 of us sat outside and ate a delicious brunch. I led the family in grace and as I sat there thanking God for the men at our table, Steve, Dad and Scott and remembering the dad's who no longer are here with us, I was struck with profound gratitude and sadness. Sadness that my parents, Steve and Scott no longer have their father's here on earth. I wonder how hard that must be for them on days like today. Gratitude that Sandra and I still have our dad with us. Our amazing dad who drives us crazy at times but mostly makes us happy. Our dad who we both still call if we need a ride to Bart or anywhere. Our dad who has become a prayer warrior which brings us so much peace. Our dad who will drive from Oakland to Berkeley to San Ramon to bring us the best bread or cheeses because it's good and we deserve it. Our dad who always has $5 to lend us. Gratitude that my children have Steve as a dad. Steve the dad who will go out and play with his kids when he's tired, who will plant a garden with them and allow them to tend it with him. Steve the dad who chose them over a high powered legal job, who takes time off of work so that he can coach, lead and fight for each and every one of them. Steve the dad that runs through the house with a Nerf gun and instigates Nerf wars, wrestles with them, reads to them, gets up early to save our spot at swim meets, gets up in the middle of the night to take care of sick kids and prays with his kids every night. Gratitude that my children have an Abuelito that takes them to movies, plays games with them, buys them candy, will drive from San Leandro to San Ramon (20 miles) just to pick them up from school when it's hot so they don't have to walk, changes diapers and comes to swim meets, soccer games and baseball games to cheer on his boys.
I'm so proud of Steve and my dad. I love them even more.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
On My Watch
I'm still not sure if I'm cut out for blogging as I can't seem to be consistent with writing every day or close to it. It's officially day 2 of summer vacation and I'm exhausted. I get migraines and I came down with a headache on Saturday, it progressed into a migraine by Sunday and I woke up with it today. Steve and I spent the day at the hospital keeping his mom company while she had a procedure that turned out fine (thank God). I slept all the way home and arrived ready for bed. As those of you may know, going to bed at 5pm is never an option for a mom so, I continued on with dinner, dishes, bed etc. while Steve left for a meeting.
Gabriel asked for juice and I served him a glass while he sat on his stool at the counter. I asked him to come outside to swing with his sister, while his brothers vegged on the couch watching some Picker show. Once I adjusted his swing and had Maria going on hers I peeked my head in the door and was calling for him, I didn't see him and assumed he had gone back to his room to play, so I went back outside to keep pushing Maria "higher". I got cold so we came inside and I noticed that the front door wasn't closed tightly. I asked the boys if they heard the door open and they didn't even look away from the TV, and said no. I immediately began calling for Gabriel and didn't hear him or see him in the house. Gabriel had gotten out. Talk to any parent of a child with special needs who is non verbal and they will tell you that their worse nightmare is their child getting out of the house and taking off to who knows where.
My nightmare was playing out right in front of me. You see this is the stuff that happens on my husbands watch, not mine. I assumed that the boys would be aware that the front door opened or closed. I assumed that Gabriel knew better than to go out the front the door without telling me, I assumed that I would be able to keep him safe from himself and others. Tonight, I failed. Logically I know that I am not alone and that these things happen to all parents, not just parents of children with special needs. Logically I know that Gabriel has a hard time making good choices and that his common sense "indicator" doesn't work well. Logically everything worked out and I found him, safe and sound in the back of the van. Thank God, it wasn't in the middle of the day when the temperature in the car reaches unbearable and fatal temperatures, it was warm in the car as it was. I can't help but think what if?
I won't go there, I refuse. I'm so grateful that he's OK, that he didn't wander off down the street or across the street. He technically was at home. Does he get it that he has to tell us that he wants to go out front? Probably not. He was sent straight to bed without dessert. I scolded the boys for not being aware of their surroundings. While Gabriel is my responsibility, there is no reason why they couldn't notice that the front door opened or closed. It's times like these that make me hate Down syndrome, make me want to scream because my son can be impulsive and has no sense of danger or right or wrong. It's times like these that make me realize that going to the bathroom is not something that I can do whenever I need to go, but that I have to plan it and make sure that he's engaged in front of the TV or computer so that I can go in relative peace. I'm going to have to live with this, learn from it and now go tell my husband that it happened to me too, on my watch.
Gabriel asked for juice and I served him a glass while he sat on his stool at the counter. I asked him to come outside to swing with his sister, while his brothers vegged on the couch watching some Picker show. Once I adjusted his swing and had Maria going on hers I peeked my head in the door and was calling for him, I didn't see him and assumed he had gone back to his room to play, so I went back outside to keep pushing Maria "higher". I got cold so we came inside and I noticed that the front door wasn't closed tightly. I asked the boys if they heard the door open and they didn't even look away from the TV, and said no. I immediately began calling for Gabriel and didn't hear him or see him in the house. Gabriel had gotten out. Talk to any parent of a child with special needs who is non verbal and they will tell you that their worse nightmare is their child getting out of the house and taking off to who knows where.
My nightmare was playing out right in front of me. You see this is the stuff that happens on my husbands watch, not mine. I assumed that the boys would be aware that the front door opened or closed. I assumed that Gabriel knew better than to go out the front the door without telling me, I assumed that I would be able to keep him safe from himself and others. Tonight, I failed. Logically I know that I am not alone and that these things happen to all parents, not just parents of children with special needs. Logically I know that Gabriel has a hard time making good choices and that his common sense "indicator" doesn't work well. Logically everything worked out and I found him, safe and sound in the back of the van. Thank God, it wasn't in the middle of the day when the temperature in the car reaches unbearable and fatal temperatures, it was warm in the car as it was. I can't help but think what if?
I won't go there, I refuse. I'm so grateful that he's OK, that he didn't wander off down the street or across the street. He technically was at home. Does he get it that he has to tell us that he wants to go out front? Probably not. He was sent straight to bed without dessert. I scolded the boys for not being aware of their surroundings. While Gabriel is my responsibility, there is no reason why they couldn't notice that the front door opened or closed. It's times like these that make me hate Down syndrome, make me want to scream because my son can be impulsive and has no sense of danger or right or wrong. It's times like these that make me realize that going to the bathroom is not something that I can do whenever I need to go, but that I have to plan it and make sure that he's engaged in front of the TV or computer so that I can go in relative peace. I'm going to have to live with this, learn from it and now go tell my husband that it happened to me too, on my watch.
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